Private Browsing

Of the many dangers the Internet poses to our children and families, perhaps none is more greater than anonymity. The Internet can provide an individual with the anonymous freedom to become anyone he or she decides. The harsh reality is that you can never truly know who is on the other end.

Now there is a new twist to anonymity, private browsing. The latest versions of three popular browsers (IE 8, Firefox, and Google Chrome), they all come built-in with private browsing. As Mozilla states on their website @ http://support.mozilla.com/en-US/kb/Private+Browsing:

"History is used by the browser to enhance your experience on the Internet. When the browser remembers a website you previously visited or the username and password for your favorite web site, this information is considered your history. However, there may be times when you do not want other users of your computer to see or access such information. For example, if a friend or family member shares your computer, you might prefer for them not to be able to see what websites you've visited or what files you've downloaded. Firefox 3.5 and later provide "Private Browsing," which allows you to browse the Internet without Firefox saving any data about which sites and pages you have visited."

As a concerned parent, we can easily see how this can create an unneeded temptation to our family.

Here is a way to disable private browsing in Mozilla Firefox, I am currently working on IE 8 and Chrome (any help is appreciated).

Copy and paste this directory path in Internet Explorer, treat it like a regular web address.

Windows 7 & Vista

file:///c:/Program%20Files%20%28x86%29/Mozilla%20Firefox/components

Windows XP & 2000

file:///c:/Program%20Files/Mozilla%20Firefox/components

Once you are in the folder scroll down until you see 'nsPrivateBrowsingService', right click and delete!

Private browsing DISABLED!!!

THE Muslim Internet policy - solutions for kids and dad

To address pornography and social networking, a policy and a few technologies must be in place. The technology alone is not the solution. But keep in mind the greater threat for children will be mobile devices.

POLICY: The owner or admin of all electronic devices should be the mother (in most cases). yes, tech geek dads must relinquish control to their wives.

Technology must include the following:
Laptop/Desktop

1. Filtering Software - prevent access to inappropriate sites
   
2. Accountability software - not just a logger, track every internet site you visit and sends a weekly report to your accountability partner. It removes the anonymity. If someone attempts to uninstall the software, the accountability partner is notified.
   

Great resources - http://www.x3watch.com/
http://www.no-porn.com/resources.html
List of accountability software - http://www.urbanministry.org/wiki/accountability-software

Mobile

1. Remove access to Safari, Youtube, App Store (through app store they can get another browser). for details http://www.quittingpornguy.com/2009/03/quitting-iphone-porn.html
   
2. Install Filtered browsers for iphone (Example: http://www.bsecure.com/)
3. Install accountbility software for iphone (waiting for x3watch and convenanteyes to get approved by apple)
   

Conclusion: One person should have the ultimate authority on every device, including mobile. Make it mom or some other trustworthy person. Accountability software sends them weekly or biweekly reports of chats, emails and sites visited.

Golden Principles of Raising Children

By Imam Ghazali Rahmatullahi Alayhee
Translated into English By Irfan Hasan

For the entire article click here

Topics Include:

• HARMS OF EXCESSIVE SCOLDING
• ETIQUETTE OF SLEEPING
• PROHIBITION OF ARROGANCE AND PRIDE

AMAZING article about parenting

May Allah reward the sister who sent me this link to an absolutely fabulous article. Makes sure to read till the end and note the final point.
http://muslimvillage.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=51418

From the Trenches: Salma Abugideiri, Marriage Counselor

Assalam alaikum,

The following is an interview I conducted with Salma Abugideiri, a marriage counselor from Virginia who works primarily with Muslim families. We discussed trends in Muslim marital problems, causes, solutions, and how Islam or Islamic texts are inappropriately used in the context of marriage. It was very, very interesting for me to hear in detail about some of the trends in our community and I hope you are able to benefit as well.

Sister Salma is one of the many brothers and sisters who the Muslim Fathers team met at the Islamic Social Services Association conference in Dulles, VA of this year. Quite frankly, our impressions of that event deserves a blog entry of its own, but in short, it was very inspiring and encouraging. May Allah reward sister Salma and the others for their continuing efforts to help Muslim families.

NOTE: this is not Frost vs. Nixon and I am not Larry King or Katie Couric. My interview skills need considerable work, but as the Prophet, alayhis salam said (in an authentic hadeeth), "سددوا و قاربوا", which can roughly be translated as "do as best as you can". I also had some technical issues in recording and editing the interview, if anyone has experience in the field and has some useful suggestions, please contact me.



The book suggestions:

Marital Bliss by Mohammad Reda & Ekram Beshir
Qawamah by Mohammad Rida Beshir
Muslim Marriage Guide by Ruqayah Waris Maqsood
Gender Equity in Islam by Jamal Badawi
Qur'an and Woman by Amina Wadud
Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage by Hamza Yusuf
What Islam Says About Domestic Violence by Zainab Alwani & Salma Abugideiri (addresses Islamic paradigm for healthy, violence free relationships)

Fighting for your Marriage by Howard Markman and Scott Stanley
John Gottman's books, including Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; The Relationship Cure
The Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner-Davis
Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil
Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix

Parenting Course: Raising Upright Children

I am currently taking this course. I highly recommend this for all parents. It includes practical advice and well structured approach to parenting. I took the live version at the ADAMS center in Sterling, VA.

I decided to take the online course as a refresher. There are some key points that have changed my perspective altogether. This is my first course on www.SeekersGuidance.com.

From the Site - Islamic Parenting: Raising Upright Children

This important course seeks to provide guidance on one of the most critical topics of the times: raising mentally and spiritually healthy children. This course provides practical advice on how to raise upright children in the spirit of the Qur’an and the Prophetic Sunnah. Based on classical texts on Islamic parenting, the course contextualizes their wisdom in light of modern day circumstances and addresses the most pressing parenting questions, including how to raise children that are spiritual and love Allah and His Messenger, how to protect children from negative influences, how to discipline them, and how to deal with parenting issues specific to living in the West. This course is a must for all concerned Muslim parents.

Internet Safety Khutbah

I recently gave a khutbah at the Prince George's Muslim Association (PGMA) regarding the internet and its impact on the lives of Muslim youth. Alhamdulillah, it was well received. May Allah reward the brothers and sisters that were involved in the research and presentation of this khutbah. I hope you benefit and please excuse any flaws:

The Internet and Your Kids

The following is an article by Fatin Khairallah, a licensed social worker who specializes in working with troubled youth, especially Muslims. She is the founder of Muslim Youth Social Services in New Jersey, United States. The MuslimFathers team recently contacted her and discussed some problems that Muslim youth are facing in their online interactions.

A Reality Check:
Our Youth, How Safe Are They on the Internet?

By Fatin Khairallah

So many of you must be thinking, “Drugs, guns, pregnancies, our kids could never do these things.” In fact, these activities don’t even cross our minds when thinking about our MUSLIM youth. We automatically assume that, “these things don’t happen to Muslims.” Unfortunately, we need to undergo a reality check and accept that this is not the case anymore. .

Divorce: The Day After, pt.1

I never imagined I would know so many divorcees. I am fortunate enough not to have gone through a divorce, but many, many of the brothers that I know have had to deal with divorce and its myriad ramifications.

One thing I have yet to see, on TV or the Internet or any other form of media, is what a person should do after a divorce;  what steps should a man or woman take to emotionally recover and get their lives back on track? I am prodding some of my divorcee friends to contribute to this series of articles, In Sha Allah we'll get something rolling. But one thing I can share is a website I found while trying to help out a recently divorced friend: http://www.just4dads.org/legal-custody.html. It outlines what the US courts are going to look for when trying to determine who gets custody of the children when a divorce occurs. According to the article, the courts will try to determine who is the child's primary care giver, using the following criteria:

• Who puts the child to bed at night?
• Who is there when the child gets up in the morning?
• Who helps the child get ready for their day (bathing, clothing, grooming, etc.)?
• Who takes the child to the doctor?
• Who plans the child’s activities?

Assuming this is accurate information, Dads and Moms have an equal chance of getting custody of the children, rather than the mother being the default choice for US courts, as is commonly believed. Allah help any of you, brother or sister, that might be going through such trying times.

Making pancakes as worship, pt.1

An astounding characteristic of true sunni Islam is the practicality of its concept of worship. The Creator gave us life to know and worship Him, but that worship is not exclusive to prayer, charity, and thikr.

In Sahih Bukhari we find the following narration: Abu Juhayfa relates "The Prophet made a bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu Darda al-Ansari. Salman paid a visit to Abu Darda' and found Umm Darda' (his wife) dressed in shabby clothes. He asked her why she was in that state. She said, "Your brother Abu Darda' is not interested in the luxuries of this world." In the meantime Abu Darda' came and prepared a meal for Salman. Salman requested Abu Darda' to eat with him, but Abu Darda' said, "I am fasting." Salman said, "I am not going to eat unless you eat." So Abu Darda' ate with Salman. When it was night and a part of the night has passed, Abu Darda' got up (to offer the night prayer), but Salman told him to sleep and Abu Darda' slept. After some time Abu Darda' again got up but Salman told him to sleep. When it was the last hours of the night, Salman told him to get up then, and both of them offered the prayer. Salman told Abu Darda', "Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, so give everyone their due rights." Abu Darda' came to the Prophet and narrated the whole story. The Prophet said, "Salman has spoken the truth."

This Hadith is awesome for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is Salman's admirable wisdom being confirmed by the Prophet, alayhis-salam. But relevant to our discussion, the hadith emphasizes that our worship of Allah must be balanced. "Give everyone their due rights" ... let that concept roll around in your brain for a bit and compare it with your concept of Islamic piety. Many of us have been taught that the pious are the ones making tahajjud at 2am everyday for hours, or at the front lines of da'wah, passing out pamphlets on the streets of DC (or whatever your local urban giant might be), or of course the Student of Knowledge, who has travelled far and wide to study the deen and spread Islamic knowledge. All of these are noble pursuits and I have participated in all three to some extent; they are worthy of a man dedicating his energies and abilities towards, but not at the expense of family. "Save yourselves and your families from the Fire" is what the Quran tells us. "Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you shall be asked about his flock" is what the Prophet alayhis-salam tells us (narrated by Muslim). The piety, the taqwa, that our Creator wants from us is the type where we live up to all of our responsibilities, not some of them: "Nothing draws my slave closer to me than that which I have made obligatory upon him" (hadeeth Qudsi reported by Imam Al Bukharee).

In this day and age especially, where even the most basic building blocks of the family, the relationship between husband and wife, commonly collapses, family must become a priority for Muslim men and women. What kind of ummah can we be if we can't even keep our families together?

Getting Started

assalam alaikum

This site was started simply because I needed a resource to teach me how to be a good father. The information is out there, in the books of the ulama, the experience of other fathers, on websites, in research papers, but I want it here, at my fingertips, accumulated, ready for absorption and contemplation, by me and my friends and every other brother who bears the immense responsibility of fatherhood. So please, if you would like to contribute to this growing body of knowledge about being a Muslim Father, email me at contribute@muslimfathers.com.

Abu Abdurrahman